Elysium
by kc creation
Summary: Sequal to Maybe In Heaven. Kyo had been with so many people, seen so many faces, and had so many conversations. So how can the memory of one man haunt him so much? kyoxharu


**Rated M for Langauge, Violence, Disturbing Themes, and Sex.**

_elysium- the abode of the blessed after death_

---

**Elysium**

A strong jolt of pain runs through his body, leaving a dull throb in its wake. There's a moan, the sound of rustling sheets, and the creaking springs of an old bed.

_'I really do love you.'_

His eyes shoot open, blood red in the dim light. The other takes no notice, and continues to thrust inward and out.

_'Even if I'm with her, you're the only person I see'_

There are tears, but they don't leave his eyes, and he smashes his eyelids down just to make sure. The last thing he needs is to cry. He is already weak; Giving into this sick temptation.

_'Then why don't you leave her? Why don't you stay with me?' _

_Are you ashamed?_

He hears his name muttered from the other man's lips, and is forced back into reality. His arms ache from holding himself up for so long, and his ass is in no better condition. He wonders what the younger man would say if he complained about the pain, or requested that he lay on his back for once, instead of on his stomach.

Would he be mad?

_'You only want me because your wife won't have sex with you.' _

He cringes as a warmth fills his backside, and the other's slick member is pulled from it.

_'You only need this because you know she's cheating too.'_

His vision is filled with black and white, as the other man lies down beside him. His tired body slowly slides off of the bed, careful not to create anymore pain for himself than his "lover" already has.

_'But I'm just as bad as you are.'_

"I really do love you." Haru whispers, before falling into an easy sleep.

The orange haired boy only nods, limping painfully to the bathroom.

_'I'm willing to give myself to you, a married man.'_

He finds himself on the closed toilet seat, blood running in trails from his behind down its pearly sides. His hands shake as he opens the bottle of painkillers he'd stolen from the drugstore down the street.

_'I wanted someone to love me, someone who wouldn't take me for granted.'_

The tears finally come, and he's not prepared for them. His body shakes violently, as his sharp teeth dig into the flesh of his knuckles. He can't risk waking Haru, and having the man see him like this.

_**'I wanted someone to love me'**_

He stood too quickly, and finds himself on the cold floor just as fast, dried blood now caking the back of his legs.

_'and you just can't do that; not with a family.'_

He remembers the day he'd realised that Hatsuharu Sohma's wife was just as unfaithful as he was. It was hard, and he remember feeling like vomiting as soon as he saw the woman's lips lock with another man.

Haru was supposed to be the bad guy, not his wife.

He wasn't even sure if the man knew. He hadn't ever had the courage to ask. The woman was pregnant, and he was sure the baby didn't belong to her husband. Kyo couldn't help but call her every name he could think of, cursing her with every inch of his being.

The fucking bitch had no right to ruin her family's lives like that.

_'Motel fees have been payed.'_

He hands the wad of bills to the woman at the motel's front desk, eyes downcast. She only smiles and thanks him.

He wonders if she realises what kind of person he is, and if she does, would it change the way she treated him?

It really doesn't matter. He won't ever see her again.

_'Maybe, someday, in some other lifetime, we can be together, but not now.'_

He made his way through the streets, noting how dark it still was outside. It was around three in the morning, he knew, so he still had time to earn some spending money before morning.

He quickly changes his pace, ignoring the throbbing pain in his lower back. Limping won't get him anywhere.

_'You have a family and they love you.'_

"You're pretty tight for being a tramp." A rough voice pants, ramming himself into the smaller form below him.

Unlike Haru, he actually _faces_ him.

Although, in this man's case, he wouldn't have minded it from behind.

_'I'm sorry.'_

He really shouldn't care this much. He fucks different men everyday. Why should _one _capture his heart in such a way that he can't stand it? He doesn't understand, but he knows he's not good enough for Haru.

And he refuses to ruin the other man's life.

_'I really do love you.'_

It haunts him.

Even now, after all these years, those five words are always in his dreams.

_'What about here, with me?'_

"So what did you say your name was?"

His head snaps up, and he silently berates himself for zoning out on the job.

"Whatever you want it to be." He purrs, and the older man smirks.

He could learn a lot about a man from the names he chose for him.

"How about.." The man wraps his thick fingers around Kyo's thin arm, yanking him into the blade of his knife.

"..deceased?"

And He never had a chance to run.

--

_"Haru, you have a wife, and you love her."_

_"But I really do love you. Even if I'm with her, you're the only one I see."_

I think heaven is whatever you believe it to be.

I never thought much of it, being around so many men of so many religions; and I never had much to believe in anyway.

When I was a child, my mother suffered from postpartum depression. She hanged herself when I was eight.

I had just gotten home from school, backpack secured tightly on my shoulders, smile on my face. I remember walking through the door, calling out for her, and wondering why she hadn't answered. I searched the entire house, trying desperately to find her.

And I did.

Her body swayed back and forth from the ceiling of her bedroom, and I remember screaming at the top of my lungs, unil the couple from the apartment beside us burst through the door.

I told them it wasn't my fault, and they believed me.

But my father didn't.

The first time I had sex was the most awkward moment of my life. Of course, no one could be comfortable while their father's sweaty hands roamed their body, and the scent of alcohol almost gagged them.

The first time anyone noticed my bruises was in sixth grade.

A boy named Yuki and I were partners during p.e., and he'd spotted the large gash beneath my sleeve after questioning why I was wearing such a thick sweater in the middle of summer. He told me to tell someone, but I didn't, and after he threatened to, I think I punched him.

_Somehow_ I ended up getting a detention because of him, and a few more injuries than usual.

I ran away when I was fourteen years old, and _willing_ had sex for the first time a few weeks later.

I was twenty-six when I first met Hatsuharu Sohma, while he was only a few years behind. I met him at my second job, the only steady income I'd ever had. I really didn't like him at first, he came across as a snobby buisness man, but soon he became the only person I'd ever fucked willingly, and not for a price.

There was something charming about him, and I couldn't get enough.

I left him when I was twenty-eight.

I never saw him again, but I know I wanted to. Everyday I forced myself to stay where I was, stuck in a dirty, one room apartment in the center of New York, two states away from where we'd first met.

I died at the age of thirty-two.

Well, if you consider everything that I'd been through, you could say that only my body died. My mind and soal had gone much longer ago, probably as far back as my mother's death, or the day I learned she hated me.

_"It's the only place I can truely be myself, and no one can judge me."_

_"But what about here, with me?"_

If there is a heaven, I'm way too lost to be there.

**The End**

--

This is so long, I can't even stand it.

But I finally got this angst out of my system.

For _Melipapaya, Crystaline-Crimson, flyingdaggers, and Overlord Crazyjane XIII._

Just because I said so.


End file.
